She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
