I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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