I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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