I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
