ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I had to cum in my sink.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
