Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
