i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
