The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
