You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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