alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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