Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
