id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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