I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
