Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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