I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your dad touched me again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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