i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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