My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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