part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
