so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
