yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
