How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
