how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
