Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
