I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
