therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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