ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
