You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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