I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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