My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
