I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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