I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
