I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
