I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just cut my nipple shaving
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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