im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
