Are we in a gay sports bar?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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