Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
