I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
