i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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