dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
