Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
