every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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