She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
