im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
