Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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