his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
