The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What a dumb baby whore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't notice because vodka
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
