When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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