I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
