Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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