pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My life is pants optional.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
