I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
