His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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