I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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