My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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