i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
