I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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