I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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