the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
