There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
nutella sex= disaster
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
